Monday, February 28, 2005

Proud

Pause. Calm. Not before the storm. Just to acknowledge the freaking great weekend I had. Not perfect. Oh no, no, no. Not even close to perfect. But great nonetheless. This is the best I have treated myself in a long time. And I feel different, happier, lighter, easier as a result.

Last night I ate exactly what I said I would. This morning I ran and lifted exactly what I said I would. The snow's a coming so I will be shoveling and cleaning house today. Take THAT, dust bunnies!

I read a really great article in Yoga Journal last night that got through to me. It focuses on what it takes to change behavior and how "setbacks" aren't really "setbacks" as such, but are instead ways that our bodies rehabituate themselves. I can't find the article online, but trust me, it was good. What I got out of it: we need time to incorporate change. Change isn't linear, it is spiral. Though we come close to previous places, we are nonetheless on another level entirely. So maybe the past couple tough weeks for me have been a way to integrate and learn more about the changes I have made. Exercise wasn't something I "had" to do anymore, because I had lost a lot of the weight I want to lose. It is now something I "want" to do because I see the implications of not doing. Eating off plan is my choice. And sometimes it's the right choice. But it won't make me happier or less lonely.

Still don't know what to say about the visit with my friend. Except that I am really, really proud of myself for going through with it.

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