Sunday, March 06, 2005

Starting here

I went to DC this weekend and saw some folks I haven't seen in too long and they all commented on how "good" I looked (aka: it looks like I have lost weight). People commenting on my weight bothers me. Am I the only one? I know that it is supposed to be encouraging and motivating. But mostly it just grosses me out and makes me wonder if they notice every pound gained and lost. Exactly how much attention do people pay to my body anyway? Plus, would they say something if I gained weight?

I haven't updated in a while. Mostly because I've been busy. Really because I'm not entirely on program. It's like I can't decide if this is a "good" week or not. Thursday and Friday were nosedives. I actually drove to a convenience store Thursday and bought junk food to binge on when I wasn't hungry. Umm...Liz...calling Liz...time to check in, my dear. Most days are on par but still with me eating more than I need to. I catch myself. I tell myself I'm eating even though I'm not really hungry. I tell myself that overeating is a decision. Then I decide to do it. Eh, I guess it is what it is. I'm still exercising, for the most part. And still eating veggies, which keeps my body happy. Just with a lot of sugar after meals. This weekend was "good," especially considering that I was away.

I haven't gotten on the scale in over a month. This is NOT good. It's like I'm afraid that if I step on the scale I will be sucked into a strange dieting vortex. I need to see where I stand with the numbers. I know that. I'm just scared out of my mind about getting a number. Because a number will hold me accountable. My jeans hold me accountable to a certain existent. But there is more wiggle room with jeans. Especially when they haven't been washed in a while and all are stretched out.

I haven't posted my weight on this blog because I don't like seeing other people's weight on their blogs. I always start questioning myself and my progress and my goal. Especially when everyone else in the weight loss blogging world seems to make way more progress than me and have a much lower goal weight. But maybe putting numbers up will give me a n accountability that I need? Ultimately, accountability is to myself. I am my own worst critic (working on this, really). But maybe staring at those numbers will encourage me to focus more attention on the rest of the weight I have left to lose?

So, then, I will weigh in. Tomorrow morning following my walk.

Random notes: Mazzy Star rocks. Vitasoy Complete does NOT. I will take the creamy goodness and extra 20 calories of Vitasoy regular anyday.


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