Thursday, September 29, 2005

dignity

Wow. Just, wow. I did not overeat last night. I did lust over someone entirely unattainable over beer and dinner. But I did not come home and gorge myself on dessert. I did stay up very late and write a paper. But I did not rely on chocolate and sugar to do so. I did toss and turn thinking about aforementioned lust. But I did not hit snooze this morning to avoid a run.

So, it is possible.

Nikki's comment on a previous post reminded me of something that I want to keep thinking about. After coming through a yo-yo process, I see now that my goal needs to shift. My new goal is to move and eat with dignity. Looking through my posts for the past couple months, it is clear to me that exercising and dieting for weight loss alone don't do it for me. It's not motivating enough. I've made a lot of great changes over the course of this year. But the work isn't done. I still sneak food. I eat and move with guilt, reluctance, self-loathing, and apathy. I know that these feelings won't ever go away entirely. But I want to challenge them. Because, really, I would be happy at my current weight, even considering the recent gain, if I weighed this with respect. That is, if my body wasn't the result of some major emotional battering (aka: emotional eating).

Wow, even writing that paragraph makes me feel sick to my stomach. This topic is obviously a lot more complex than I can permit this morning, with piles of French to translate before 11:30. What I really need to translate is my lofty going of "moving and eating with dignity" into some actual, attainable little changes.

1 Comments:

At 4:41 PM, Blogger Beatte said...

Whoa -- "move and eat with dignity." I really like the sound of that. In a lot of ways, that sums up what I want to do with my life right now.

Thank goodness for your talent with words!

 

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