structures
I just finished my healthy, and completely unsatisfying, breakfast of (soy) yogurt, an apple, and coffee, after lifting and arc-training at the gym this morning. What I want now: muffins, bread, rolls, scones, good goddess, a refined carb, please! I am craving the bread like mad. Which is unusual because I'm not usually a carb person, more of a fat and sugar girl. I'm not sure what is contributing to my craving and I'm not sure how to handle it. Should I accept that I now want bread regularly and start making my own for breakfast (as homemade bread is probably healthier because I control the ingredients)? Or do I continue to fight it, only to eventually succumb and wind up surrounding myself with muffins and scones? Making my own would also save me money. But it does mean that I have an entire nummy loaf around, just waiting for me to eat it.Exercise has been great:
Wednesday: run/walk 1 hour, yoga practiced in the evening. I did a full wheel for the first time in months!
Thursday: ran 9 miles. Sllloooowwwlllyyyy. My body was all out of whack from yoga. It took me 3 miles just to feel warmed up and flowing. My back especially was really tight from Wheel. But it was the first run in a while that ended better than it started (I'm a classic burn-out runner, seemingly unable to keep pace).
Friday: lifting and cardio at gym
Food has been....intense. A lot. All the time. I know I sound like a broken record. The jeans. Are too tight. And last night as I was getting ready for a blind date I got so angry with myself for eating and eating and eating and not absorbing the reality of the situation: I will eat myself right out of my success, my pants, if I don't change. The catch? I don't want to change. My frustration is great: on the one hand, I'm getting pissed over my weight gain and my lazy attitude toward it. On the other hand, I'm not willing to change and don't care. I wish I could pick one side and stick to it: if I don't want to change then I should stop complaining and buy bigger pants. Or fucking do something about it.
I don't get it. I can figure out the problem of the Other in Being and Nothingness. But I can't figure out what's going on with me and overeating.
Speaking of philosophy, the ways that people find this blog crack me up. It is rarely, rarely, through some kind of weight loss/exercise related search. Instead, I'm found through random philosophy search phrases like "the I and me in one." No matter where I go, structures of subjectivity find me.
posted by chaos @ 10:47 AM
2 Comments:
Liz, you're scaring me... an apple, a soy yogurt and coffee doesn't sound like enough food for a canary, never mind an exercising adult human female.
Keeping in mind that free advice is worth what one pays for it, I'm theorizing that what's causing the craving is garden variety hunger.
If you're craving carbs, try a bowl of hot slow cook oatmeal (chop the apple and toss in with some cinnamon, or add frozen berries to sweeten it and cool it down). Another option: is there anywhere near you that sells artisan bread? A whole wheat or rye loaf that has some substance to it might help.
I am with mich, maybe you were craving bread because you were hungry... that is the first thing an undernourished body will crave, mostly to get your seratonin levels back up to a functioning level.
Oatmeal is wonderful for that kind of thing. My favorite when on a sugar-free diet is to buy sugar-free maple syrup and stir that in.
I have been similarly frustrated by not seeming to have the motivation to make changes, even though I'm very frustrated and fed up. I wonder what it is? I mean, what will it take? :(
Post a Comment
<< Home