control
Oh, how I am avoiding writing about diet and exercise. Everything in my life feels out of control. Including sticking with a reasonable diet and exercise program.Oddly, not-running has become like starting a diet used to be--"I'll not run tomorrow," I think to myself as I lace up my sneakers. I haven't been running ever day, for sure, but I did run two days again last week and I ran yesterday. To be honest, my foot feels pretty ok. I've kept the runs short and spend time every morning and evening soaking (in Epsom salt), stretching, and massaging my feet. I took two full days off entirely last week and feel ok about that too. As I think back over the week, I recognize that it was all pretty good. My exercise schedule isn't what it used to be, it is much more relaxed, but I am still healthy and still maintaining my weight. I did not do any yoga last week. This week, I would like to practice yoga twice.
Speaking of weight, my girlfriend now knows how much I weigh. We went to the health clinic a couple of weeks ago to get STI tests (for the record, yes, we are adorable little lesbians). I went first and things were moving fast and chaoticly, and I was stuck with a needle for blood, then pushed onto a scale and before I had time to take off my heavy blazer and say "don't say my weight out loud" the nurse announced it:
160
My girlfriend mock covered her ears and we laughed. I brought it up later--how does she feel having a girlfriend with 30 pounds on her? (she weighs 130). We had a good conversation and I got a lot of my issues out there. Bottom line: I am happy with how I look and the shape of my body, I think I'm attractive, and so does my girlfriend. She has been alerted to my sometimes sensitivity around body issues and has not made negative remarks since then.
Plus, I was secretly delighted with the 160 reading. In the middle of the day! With lots of water and food in me and heavy clothes on me! Not too shabby.
I guess everything IS okay diet and exercise wise. My life just doesn't look like what it used to look like. Between a new relationship and re-evaluating graduate school (yep, you read that right. That's another post.), there have been a lot of changes. I'm trying to take it all in stride.
And, not so secretly, I am pleased with the changes. I like not obsessing over working out every day and pushing, pushing, pushing myself with each workout. It's nice to scale back a little and let my body heal.
posted by chaos @ 9:32 AM
2 Comments:
It sounds to me like this is all healthy stuff. Not obsessing is (I'm starting to learn) a true gift, and the relationship sounds like there's a lot of openness and honesty there, and that's always good.
Hang in there. You're doing awesome. (Also, would kill to weigh 160, but that's neither here nor there. *g*)
It's hard to to stress and obsess over your weight. I think it's hard wired into me (which is bad).
Take it easy on your foot -- when the nicer weather comes you'll be kicking yourself in the butt that you can't run!
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