Monday, March 06, 2006


Oh girl, I am such a cliche. My girlfriend is out of town, and suddenly I am seeing all my friends again, feeling lonely, staying up late watching teevee, not exercising, and eating junk. I am such a cliche. Monday morning I declare, today I will change my behavior! And I will, and I already have.

This weekend was a hedonistic glow of good friends, spring break, alcohol, and kicking food (homemade tofu pad thai with fresh, fresh lime, amazing soba noodles with a coarsely ground peanut sauce, cookies, cake, hot chocolate, chocolate fondue, homemade pizza with the softest crust I have ever made). There has been no significant exercise. A lot of walking, but not full out cardio sessions. I also got a lot of homework done. But these things are neither here nor there. I'm committing to an exercise plan for the week.

Monday: spinning, lifting, yoga
Tuesday: easy short run (my foot has been doing great. It's all about birkenstocks.) Pilates, maybe in the evening. Walk to town in the afternoon.
Wednesday: lifting and spinning
Thursday: easy short run, walk in the afternoon
Friday: lifting, spinning, yoga
Saturday: off!
Sunday: spinning

I made it to yoga once last week. Not my goal, but improvement nonetheless. I've been to the gym for spinning. I didn't lift there because they are redoing the floor of my gym. But I did lift at home after class. And I've eaten a healthy breakfast of oatmeal, apple, and soymilk. I will also eat a nice lunch. I have dinner/beer plans after yoga class, but, come on, it's spring break.


I can't believe Brokeback Mountain didn't win. I loved that movie. It made me cry, think, love, and be grateful. Grateful that I can walk down the street holding my girlfriends hand without fear...oh, wait a minute, I can do that in certain sections of town, of my very liberal northeastern city. But I couldn't do that in many parts of the country. I've been called every name imaginable. I've survived homophobic violence. I've been ignored, fixed up with men, an listened to some really gross propositions from straight men. I listen to arguments about why I should and can change. It is against the law for me to marry. My mother stiffens every time I've mentioned love. What hit me most about the 2004 election was the outright hate directed towards the queers. Before the election, I thought of homophobia as a sort of visceral, knee-jerk, ignorant reaction to something people didn't understand because they had never known gay people. But that isn't what's happening here. What happening is systematic hate. Some people want to deny me basic civil rights. They really think I, I, the girl who donates an afternoon every week to the homeless shelter across the street, who cries for cats in animal shelters, whose heart breaks over for who suffer, am evil. I can't believe Brokeback Mountain didn't win.

Edited to add:

It's not really Brokeback that got me so upset. I've been thinking and reading a lot this weekend, and all of it seems to be piling up on me. South Dakota, the woman killed and raped in NYC, the rape victim down south who was going to have to watch the tape of her attack, the rape victims in Libya are jailed, the history behind us, the way philosophy and theory upholds dominant power structures, the road ahead, all seemed to come down in one big disappointment when Brokeback didn't win. I haven't seen crash, but it makes me feel better to know it dealt with racism.


At 3:10 PM, Blogger M@rla said...

I've dithered around making this comment five or six times, typing it and then deleting it before I hit the Publish button, because I don't want to offend you and I'm afraid the way I phrase something might give the wrong impression. But I think we've read each other long enough that we know neither of us is the unwarranted-offense-taking-freakout type, so I'll take a chance on saying it! I am with you 100% about homophobia, hatred, and the 2004 election, but I don't think Brokeback Mountain's failure to win Best Picture represented anything other than its simply not being the best picture. It's good, it merits acclaim, but it had flaws too. As much as I want a world free of irrational prejudice, I don't want every institution or organization (especially non-government ones) to be motivated and actuated by attempts to redress social wrongs - the mission of the AMPAS is not activism but film criticism. So while a moral message CAN be part of what makes a film great, it's not required. I'm not trying to argue your opinion of the film... I guess I'm trying to reassure you that its runner-up status doesn't mean all we straight people hate you and want to kill you! It just means we found holes in the plot, we thought the dialogue got kind of soggy sometimes, and we thought the love story part was a little flat! In an unrelated-to-their-gayness type of flatness!

Here is my tiny offering of look-on-the-bright side: it got, if I'm not mistaken, Best Director, Best Original Score, Best Adaption from a Screenplay. Those are NOT small potatoes. AND another film about a gay man (Capote) was in the running as well. (I'm trying to give you glass-half-full to cheer you up).

p.s. my new favorite blog is but I can guarantee that, while it's funny, it won't cheer anyone up!

At 12:02 AM, Blogger vj said...

Hey Miss Chaos, just a shout out to you. Yay for making progress, and while it's painful to feel, it's better than the other choices. Homophobia and violence suck. Supposably Crash did too, though I can't say from any personal knowledge. Hang in there.

At 10:40 AM, Blogger Mich said...

April 7: Hey Liz, how are you doing? Hope that it's just good things and busy life that are keeping you from blogging this past month...
And forget about the academy awards; I still don't understand why Delroy Lindo didn't get a Best Supporting nod for Malcolm X in 1992. :-)


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